I Know I Can't, But I Still Miss You.

24th Jan.

Was up in Genting since yesterday.


and rote like usual.. the rest went back hometown and some were not up yet.


starring at the pc most of the time ; movie, music, chat, etc..


i still haven't recover. as mentioned i had terrible sorethroat and cough.


i lost my voice. was looking real pale. and no energy to talk or even go out.


oh finally i have the guts to tell my parents bout the break up.


was really shy, but still i need to tell them that it was over.


mum gave me a huge smile and said,


" It's okay. Anyway, you're still young. So many choices. And be more sociable. Mix more friends. Especially guys. You'll learn that sometimes being friends are much better than couples. "


Thanks mum.


And yes, I Agree..


Indeed. I admit that I'm not a good girlfriend.


I never take my moves first as i always expect my partner to be more gentle (all the time).


I never praise him, or even support him whenever he tries to makes me feel proud of him.


I will always put Friends on top of Boyfriend.


My attitude ? I'm hot temper and stubborn. I'll get angry at any little thing you did. Yes, call me childish or whatever. But do you realize why i actually get angry ? and why i actually mind ?


It's because i really care.


I care, coz I love you.


Well, i totally understand. why you came out with this cold break up.


I told everyone and myself that I will be strong.


I told myself that i will stop thinking bout you. and I think I did.


But, whenever i log in to msn or facebook, i saw your name there, i had that feelings.



PAIN.



I tried to fight it but i still can't. It's really hard to just let go everything. Forget everything that we've been through.


You never msg nor chat with me in msn since then. and each time i greet you, you'll gave me the cold smile. which makes me really pissed.


I tried to hate you..I was really pissed with your reasons of breaking up with me. All of my friends said you were a jerk. They said, you are just another ordinary guy.


I used to think, you are different from the others. However, i was wrong.


You hurt me, and leaved me scars. You made me turn into another person.


Since then, i've into shisha, liquors and clubs. and these are the only way i can stop thinking about you. I knew it's bad, but it helps a lot. It helps to kill my pain.


I will get over you, I know I will. I will know more people, and soon i will forget bout you. Forget bout the scars. Forget bout the memories we had.


And if you did read this, I hope you understand that i'm not criticising you. I just want to let you know, that you once become my dearest and sorry for not putting much efford in the relationship.


xoxo, Kelly.