Release Stress.

Last week Thursday (13th May) I finally went to clubs again after like what 8 months ??? fuuu ~



I know I know.



laugh all you want, as everyone knows I love to club but why did I stop so long hmmm ?



Coz I know he doesn't like me going to clubs. He said he'll be very worry if I go.



oh well, after so long, finally he allows me to go :D



Went to The Palace in Herritage Row with loveys Isabel, Sabrina and Nisha.



It’s not very happening thou around 11 when we arrive. But around 12.30 the crowds came in and it turns out more than I expected.



The place was ok, but kinda small and the dance floor is not so happening thou.



It’s more like a chilling place than a club to me..lol…

1st round.

me, isabel, sabrina and nisha (thanks for bringing us in :D )

my drunkard face =.=

they said i'm a silent drinker coz i keep drinking they dont even realize how much i drank lol.

xoxo, Kelly.

So Broke in May

Hey hey, i've been mia again lately.


anyhoo, this is a previous post on 7th-9th May.


On the 7th was dad's birthday. I didnt really celebrate for him coz he already celeb with my mum and his friends the other night.


Only bought him a perfume gift. and no doubt he loves it. =D coz it's been a while since he stop using perfumes.


I bought mum a perfume gifts too for this year Mother's Day. And it's so expensive but since I know she loves that brand, it's worth it right... =)


Mother's Day is on the 9th.


And on the 8th is our 9th Month anniversary. But as usual, we didnt get to celebrate together.


Thanks baby and my sisters for chipping in, if not I lagi broke 99 =.=

Mont Blanc - Individuel ( I like the smell and bottle )

See how slim it is.

Mummy's Presie - Lancome Magnifique

(comes in set with 5ml perfume, body lotion and lip gloss, but i took back n exchange the body lotion with mascara coz mum doen't use lotion)

It's expensive to spend on them since I havent even start to earn my own money. But sometimes, when all our efforts can just make them happy and feel loved, it's worth it. Really.

I love my parents.

What I have done for them is consider nothing.

I don't have to sacrifies anything for them.

But what they had done for me is everything I needed.

In fact, it's more than enough.

Thanks so much for loving me.

As for my baby, thanks for loving me for these past 9 month.

It's always ups and downs, but each of it makes our relationship grow stronger.

ILY.

xoxo, Kelly.

It's always me.

Moral exam sucks.



can't believe I actually can't manage to finish the essay.



and i'm actually not HAPPY about it. But no one knows. and no one to cheer me thou.



anyhoo, been argue with him lately. Seriously, I really begin to doubt why are we still being together. - or even couple up at the 1st place.



we have totally entire different thinking and opinion, taste and feelings.



i'm so-call the 'sticky' 1. he's the secretive, manly wat-so-ever.



i am super ultimately emotional person. he keeps his emotion and thoughts to himself.



i choose to talk to improve the problems. he choose to forget it and hope things will go back as usual asap.



so much more stuff that we don't click. really, why are we together ?



I thought by holding his hands tightly, he will realise how much I love him that I won't let go his hands.



I thought by hugging him tightly, he will realise how much I love him and shows how much I need him.



I thought by smiling or crying, he will realise how much I love him and shows how special is he to have make me smile and cry.



I thought by taking care of his health or loneliness, he will realise how much I love him and I expect him to worry back bout me when I'm sick.



I thought by behaving gentle and ''manja'', he will realise how much I love him that I would behave something that I don't.



I thought by putting him as priority above my family, friends and studies, he will realise how much I love him.



I know am not good enough. I thought I can do better.



But obviously, I failed again.



I don't know what he thinks of all ( what i thought ) but he is giving me that feeling that it's no big deal and it's common to do all that in a relationship.



I bet he won't know, everytime he holds my hand and squeeze it so tighly, I just want to scream to everyone that "I'm really in love with this boy ! "




yes, that is the kind of feeling I have when I'm in love, but I don't think everyone will actually understand what I mean =/



we don't hug much lately, and kisses was not as passionate feeling as compare to few months back. we run out of topic mostly, and leave silent moment in the car each time - or only radio entertaining us.



I thought when we didn't meet then when we get to meet up, he will tell me how much he misses me, ask how's my day and stuff.



maybe he will ask how's my day, but it sound normal as in Q&A type. and then remain silent condition.



Yes, this is what happen to us in our daily basis. That's why I can't even stand looking at Sabrina and Wilson. The way they "interact" with each other, my mind is conquered with envious. They are such a loving couple.




there's so much in my mind. but he won't get it. he won't understant unless I explain it in his face. why I didn't do so in order to solve all the problems ?? coz IF i keep telling him :



" I'm upset coz you didn't know I'm actually upset at the corner there while you keep playing your games / I'm upset coz you didn't worry when I say I can't find food and I might get gastric soon / I'm upset coz I can't click with your family that I feel like a stranger in your house / I'm upset coz when I'm sick you didn't even 'gently' take care of me etc "



IF i keep telling him all these, and tell him what to do so I WON'T GET UPSET, what's the point ? Maybe there's point, maybe he shall learn and remember what will make me upset and how to not make me upset. But, what I see is pointless.



He only sees the outer, the face expression. But he will never try to understand the inner - my feelings and what I actually need.



so complicated. he will think everything is fine. but I'm not fine dear. Not lately especially.



I miss those smiles and cute laughter of him and sometimes when he scold me bout stuff coz he was worry.



I miss those kisses that was so passionate and warm.



I miss those feeling when he cuddle me on his bed when he's sleeping.



and those feelings are fading pretty much. how am I going to overcome this ? He's clueless, and so am I now.



I always wish you could show me how much you love me. or even in order to cheer me up, a simple " I Love You " will help so much. I really need you to show me that the love you have been saying since the beginning is real and worth on me.




xoxo, kelly.

My sis going Taiwan...



Yes, TAIWAN !



Without ME...



And mum don't let me go...wtf right...



She said I better pray I have good job in the future, so the company can send me out overseas and bla bla bla bla bla~



Omg, seriously ???!



Well she actually think that she paid so much for my college and stuff..



True, but............ It's Taiwan !! Common la ~ I wanna go there la mummy... =(



Haiz haiz...

Sorry.

Sorry...

I know I have been so depress lately. (I look depresss)

Sorry...

Was none of anyone's fault, coz nothing actually happen.

Just that there's something inside, there's something wrong but I don't know how to fix it.

Sorry...

And even YOU don't understand what I'm going through.

In fact, no one does.

Sorry...

No one to be blame, I'm just not like any normal girl.

And that's why, I don't have friends. Coz non can't except who I am.

Friends ? It's just a brief title.

Anyone can be your friends, from facebook, msn, college etc.

But what is it that make the word shine ?

Friends are those who can tell when you're having trouble and will try to ease your pain.

Friends are those that being honest to you exp, telling you what they think about you, what is best and what is not good for you.

Friends are those that are happy for you when you're happy. Not those that are envy or jealous of you (at the back).

Friends are those who never manipulate others to think badly about you, or make you think badly about others. They are the one who will always stand by you and defends your back without doubt.

To me, I don't remember what all those means anymore.

I cry, I cry my own at the edge of the wall.

I smile, I smile my own with a plastic smile on my face coz no one can tell when I'm putting a fake smile.

Sorry...

Lately was being so emotional. I hardly smile or even talk.

Sorry...

I felt so useless, I felt so weak. I cry so often that my eyes look swollen everyday.

I cry everynight and sleep with my tears. It has been so frequent that I kinda think I'm having problems. Emotionally.

The other day, HE said that I'm starting to keep so much stuff to myself. HE said he hardly see I smile nowadays. After hearing those, my heart just sink.

Sorry...

I know it's not fair to treat you so cold. But I just can't help it.

And the other day when I laugh at his joke, HE said, "Finally I saw your smile again, I love to see you smile like this, you should smile more"

I'm starting to think again, am I having depression ? Why is it so hard to smile ???

Damn, maybe I'm fated to be alone.

Sorry if I made you feel bad. Not your fault. Put the blame on me.

Strawberry Is So Addictive ~

I loveeeeeee strawberry...

Love love love... <3

Just came back from Genting Strawberry Farm near Gohtong Jaya.

AND I WANT TO GO CAMERON HIGHLANDS !!!

(PS : This is an update post on 04/04/10)

Photo quality sucks. Sorry, took it with my nokia 5800 coz forgotten to bring camera =.=

xoxo, Kelly.

I Want ! [3]

Grrrrr....it's already 5.38am and I can't sleep.... =(

Keep thinking of the lens I want..

Well it's not just 'any lens'... It's lens in PINK !

I saw this lens and immediately fall in love.. Coz it's unique and sweet =)

I really wanna get it...but most of the shopblog either no more stock, pre-order need to wait for a month (>.<) and some still havent reply my mail yet...

Grrrr... I want...I want...!

xoxo, Kelly.

I Want ! [2]

I want I want....!

ROXY Doodle Dandy Bag in black.

I'm just in love with all the tote bags nowadays... >.<

xoxo, Kelly.

It's not just about me.

Why in your world doesn't just revolve bout me ?




Why in your eyes, I am that selfish jealous girlfriend ?



Why can't I just receive what I expect ?




I wanted to love you with all my heart. But always, always when I wanted to do so, you leave me hopeless.



What's wrong with telling the one you love the truth ? Even if you'll get scolded or will get involve into arguements or whatsoever but what could be worst than telling them the truth ?



Just put your self in their shoes. You will regret for your whole life, if one day you find out, you couldn't tell them the truth till they are gone.



I'm sorry I couldn't be any wiser. I couldn't close 1 eyes. I couldn't let you hang out with your 'girl friends'. You knew I will fcked up when I know the truth, so you choose to only tell me when I ask you. I was thinking whether you will even tell me if i didn't talk bout it ?



1st rules of how to treat a girl (well). Listen.
2nd, Understand.
3rd, Respect.



It's just that 3 simple rules. Is that hard to apply ?



Maybe your friends would compare how good their gf give them their freedoms, etc.
but what's wrong when I want to be in your life ? what's wrong when I get jealous or sensitive ? You lied to me before. and not just once. What's wrong with being extra caution ?



Effort.. you just need to show me just a little bit of that. Whenever we argue or misuderstands, just show me that you don't mean to hurt me, that's all...



and I'm yours. Always will be.



whenever we argue, there's always my close friends to defense him. Why ? coz they told me, it's useless to get angry or even cry for him. Coz he won't get it.




I really love him. Badly. But when I don't feel that from him in return, I really feels like giving up. Am I just a 'girlfriend' for you ? Forget the title. I would really want to be the only girl for you. The only girl in your life. How I wish you could let me feel so.



I'm off to bed. with my ached-heart, I shall not be emo. God, please be with me tonight. To give me a peaceful sleep and strenght to not shed a tear tonight.




xoxo, Kelly.